Slim Tan Notebook

We met on the train platform after a long
And drawn out long distance courtship.
We hugged awkwardly and then she stepped back.
She brought out a slim tan notebook—
The kind that people use to write debt
And debtor amounts. A tiny ledger.
She brought out a slim tan notebook
And she looked at me, licked her little pencil tip
And wrote something next to my name.
A monosyllabic word or a figure
Of no more than four numbers.
She looked at me again and then the notebook
Slipped into her pocket along with the little pencil.

We had just met and everything about her was striking
And everything about her was terrifying,
As beautiful and dangerous as lightning.
I then walked along with her in silence, not knowing how much
This new endeavor was going to cost me or even what
But I knew it would be both dear
And on the verge of just as much as I could afford.
I thought about this as we walked down the steps
Toward the street, toward a moment of Nirvana,
Toward oblivion.