Madcap in the Dark

            I hate myself and my pain
close the blinds so they can’t see         my silver tree
            looking good enough in the vapors
to be a foggy Lana Turner profane angel singing carols
            or blood-lipped in the manger scene
or wrapped in plaid with laryngitis      to kill men with good makeup
            and I don’t mean to make you sad
but when we came back you had draped the tree with grapes
            and smeared the lens with Vaseline.

Haunted dolls              a holiday          ask harder leave your kidneys
            haunted daddy finger waves
                           I don’t want to fuck    and I’ll wear velvet lounge pants
your hounds dragging me         and we might get shot
            as we sweat on New Year’s Eve.

Bow wire in the pines              and I’m touching up my manicure
                           trying to smooth things over
            this is sadness jangling
my Christmas past veins in the trees
this is you couldn’t care less for your body
            your Christmas past envelope too dark for ink
a diet of hotdogs          and Coney Island powder puffs
            skulls and 8-balls and god bless the hogs
god bless the red machine guessing your weight
            this is you couldn’t care less for your soul
will I cry for the vapors/cry for the veins
            the trashheap cats come
                           toward my scotch for warmth.