Madcap/Depressive Hedonia

How was it only an hour
            haunted dolls said it’s a holiday
leave your keys on the desk and act harder
                               put on your neon lace nightie
and lie in the spa tub                  to wait for the ghost
               rockabye/rockaway     rip your fingernails off.

It’s a zero sum game                   a time of amethyst
              last night I slept                 next to the man with black horns
I held the rod                 he held the needle
                            a long line of pin-ups
                            howled evil eye.
It takes so long to find the right trail
              so I walk across traffic                      electricity’s wrong
                            the egg-bread swan song
             my ass in houndstooth               all my crises winking
capitalism ruins everything                   but I love to buy shit
                                and I cannot remember    California
              wood-painted silver         old-fashioned handwriting.
                              I cry by the graveyard
stopping to piss           and every shopping center’s bland
              even with Harlow fingernails
                            and black leopard print
              a show-woman’s glamor              peppermint handoil
ceramic deer shakers                  a handful of pills.
                               I outline my thin lips in ink
                I could hide here all night/not eat any dinner
remembering the blue paper rotating Christmas tree
                how every year I sat    whining beside it.

Two girls walk by me  in whipped cream and cat ears.
              I ask    did you drink     some of my bone booze
                                            to turn yourselves into snow queens?