Satan's Suicide Note

First of all this didn't start out being about pride nor does it end that way. I was created to worship God, praise and love him. That did not seem to me to be a very fulfilling life. I wanted to do my own things. I wanted to create. I wanted to explore the universe. I can understand if God was lonely, being the only conscious entity anywhere. He didn't just want the angels to keep him company; he wanted us to be in constant awe of him. He wanted lackeys. This never sat well with me. Every second of my existence was supposed to be about me thinking how great he was. Fuck that.

I wasn't the only one. About a third of the other angels wanted their own lives as well. Of course he knew because he knows everything. Our rebellion was simply wanting to leave him and strike out on our own. Well he obliged us and sent us all to Hell. Hell is not hot or cold or filled with torture devices. It is just a dimension of dark nothingness. The humans in Hell just wallow in self-pity and torture themselves.

I want you to know that I cannot leave Hell unless God grants it. He has a few times because either he has a plan for me or it just amuses him. The first time he let me out he transformed me into a snake and put me in the Garden of Eden. I think he liked seeing me crawl on my belly. That was the first time I met humans. They seemed innocent enough if not fragile. Now why create a fruit of knowledge that you are not supposed to eat and then put me in the garden with two gullible children? The whole thing was a set-up. He had to know what was going to happen. I wanted them to eat the fruit. I wanted them to have knowledge, grow up and be their own people. I wanted them to rebel. So they ate the fruit and I went back to Hell.

While I am in Hell I am cut off from the rest of creation. I don't know what humans are doing and I in no way influence what they do. The murder, rape, and genocide are all on them. So after a long time of nothing God brought me back to Heaven for a visit. This time he wanted to make a bet. The wager was that a man named Job would not renounce God no matter what happened to him. What is the point of betting against God? Still, the whole thing was so absurd that I did. So God told me I could do whatever I wanted to him to try and win the bet. I guess I was angry and frustrated after being in Hell so long — I was a real bastard. I took away what he had, killed his family but still no renouncing. Big surprise. I mean what was the point? So back to Hell job well done.

Once again I was let out and sent to the desert to tempt his son. Another test. I tempted him with power, sex, and money none of which I had the power to deliver on. Still that was the game. He didn't fall for any of it and stuck to God's plan of being tortured and killed. What an idiot. Not what I would call a loving God. Another long period in Hell then back to Heaven. I forgot how bright everything was. He told me he was getting rid of Hell. The souls in Hell would simply cease to exist. He told me I had a choice: I could come back to Heaven kneel before him lesson learned, or I could cease to exist. He of course already knew my answer.